Keeping on keeping on...

Hi, I'm back. Weekend was fun. It was a relief to be in Holland where people laugh at things I say because they think I'm funny, and not because of grammar mistakes or cross-cultural miscommunication.

We got back here and within about 10 minutes I felt the water closing up over my head again. It's been a long time since I've felt this uncomfortable in my own skin. Obviously this is just a phase and we'll all pull through eventually, but day to day existence at the moment seems like a feat of survival.

Had to physically peel a crying S off of me when we got to school this morning. I then did the kindest thing I could think of and left. Experience has taught me that if I stay to comfort him his panic escalates and it's harder on both of us. He was probably distracted within about 5 minutes of my departure. I, on the other hand, felt sick about it for a couple of hours afterwards.

Barnacle Boy is going to be the end of me. He found a discarded bottle of industrial solvent in some bushes on the way home today and ran around spraying it on everything in his path. Including a mouse which might or might not have been dead before he stepped on it. I ended up playing Police Officer Betsy and apprehended the solvent-- made him throw it into a nearby bin.

The problem is that this is also a kid who looks out for S in class-- he's his only friend in a pretty lonely, difficult time. I'm afraid that if I tell him he can't play with Barnacle Boy it will just make him all the more attractive. And I can't choose my kids' friends anymore like I used to when they were toddlers and were chaperoned to every playgroup.

I'm keeping the dialogue open with S-- why he shouldn't be cruel to animals or touch anything that might have chemicals in it. And that if he feels uncomfortable with any situations that he should let us know.

And I'm hoping that this friendship will eventually peter out. Before I do....