27 June, 2012

Would love to be a fly on the wall for this one...

S:  So Mom!  I just saw the coolest thing!  There are these stickers you can buy to put on your eyelids to make it look like you're paying attention in class when you're really sleeping!

Me:  I hate to disappoint you, but the Little Rascals did that back in 1939 and it didn't work for them then either.

S:  Wait-- do you actually think my teachers have watched the Little Rascals?

Me:  What?!  Well no, but I mean that that trick is really, really old.  I think your teachers might figure it out pretty quickly.

S:  Yes, but technology has advanced a lot since then.  These stickers look *totally* realistic...

19 June, 2012

Life with Boyz 5

(the phone rings.)


Hi Mom.  It's me, B.

Hi B!  You done with school?

Yeah-- would you like to come meet me halfway so that we can walk the rest of the way home together?

Sure!  Just let me pull on my shoes!

OK, there's just one thing.  When you see me I've got this *huge* wound on my arm...

Wait, what?!!

...and it's dripping blood down all over my fingers, and everything...


Anyway, when you see me don't freak out, OK?


Because it's not real.  The guys in my class and I had a contest today to see who could paint the best wound on themselves with our watercolors and I WON!

Wow-- Congratulations!

Thanks!  And F came in second place for his hickey.  It was *so cool*!

13 June, 2012

For a split second I had the upper hand...

I was cooking lunch when S arrived home from school in a bit of a rowdy mood.

Me:  are you home already?

S:  Physically yes, but my heart is at school.

Me:  *groan*  Seriously?

S:  Yes.  I live for school.

Me:  OK, that's definitely enough.  I need you to stop.

S:  When I'm away from there I start to feel...

And then I threw the rest of my glass of iced tea in his face.  (I don't know who was more shocked, S, or me because it wasn't planned and I never do that kind of thing.)

S:  *What* was that?

Me:  My BS meter, kid.  It can only take so much...

S:  (turns on the sink.)  Hmm.  Let me wash this off.  Oh wow, that's cold---

and then he threw a handful of water on me.

Just then one of B's friends walked in and said:  What is going on here?

S:  Ugh!  She's cooking and she's all sweaty!  Look at those sweat stains!

Me:  S!?

S:  Gross.  That definitely does *not* belong in the kitchen...

12 June, 2012

Just take me straight to hell, please.

M has got some frequent flier miles saved up and last night at dinner we were having fun
thinking up destinations.  Some suggestions were more helpful than others.

S:  How about Vegas!?
B:  YEAH!  Gambling!!!


S:  Texas?  Yeah!  Texas!  Big houses!  Big cars!  BIG PEOPLE!

09 June, 2012

Stravinsky or Soccer (and never the twain shall meet)

M:  Hey guys!  Everyone ready for the European Cup soccer games?!

Me:  Apparently they're predicting that Spain will come in first and Germany will place second.

S:  Yeah.  right.  And *who* exactly is predicting this?

Me:  I heard it on the radio yesterday.  On SWR 2.

B:  (snorts.) Yeah, but those are the same people who play classical music!

05 June, 2012

Pig-related-post #3

This morning we walked out to a farm in the next town over so that S and B could pet the goats and the pigs.

S:  Man!  I LOVE pigs!
Me:  Me too.  I love petting their snouts.
S:  Well good.  Remember that feeling, because you'll get to pet all the snouts you want when I'm grown up and you come to visit me.  I'll be living in Los Angeles.
Me:  Hmm. LA, huh?
S:  Yep.  And I'm going to have a girl pig and a boy pig and they're going to have lots of piglets and I'll give them to ALL MY FRIENDS!
M:  Umm, S?  I'm not sure all your friends will appreciate pigs in the same way you do.
S:  No problem.  Then I'll sell the leftover ones and make lots of money.  That or grill them.

01 June, 2012

He's as looney as he is funny!

S:  You know what?  When I grow up I want to have a pig as a pet.  That or a bulldog.  Anything that snorts is just ADORABLE!