The doorbell rang midmorning on Saturday. M opened the door and was startled when a small German boy walked in, announced that he'd already finished his breakfast and ran past to go find S and B.
"Who the heck was that?!" M asked as footsteps echoed up the stairs.
J is new here and knows S and B from kindergarten. He's becoming a familiar sight riding his bike up and down our street with other playmates. And he's only 4 1/2 years old!
One of the things that really strikes me about this area is how much freedom parents give their children, even at a very young age. Especially coming from Belgium, where families watch a child's every move and whisper conspiratorially among themselves if they see a neighbor's kids playing alone in the front yard.
I don't know how real the threat in Flanders actually is-- there have been multiple high-profile kidnappings and illustrious pedophile rings in Belgium in recent years. But in any case, the common perception is that children are not safe being outside on their own.
So it is refreshing to enter into a community with very low violent crime statistics and very high numbers of families who obviously feel safe enough to give their children room to become independent and explore the world around them.
Today marks an important anniversary for Americans both home and abroad. I was 8 1/2 months pregnant when those indelible images shocked the world. I worried then about the climate into which I was bringing B. And I continue to worry for my sons and their generation when I see just how volatile the global situation has become.
It is so easy to become paralyzed in the face of abstract fears. The media bombards us with stories of terrorism, war, pedophilia and the countless other vicious and inuhumane acts that people carry out against each other. The only way I can continue to function as a rational parent is to focus on the present and the positive things I am experiencing directly.
And it is comforting to know that in this day and age it is still be possible for a small boy to finish his breakfast and go out to explore the world around him without trepidation. J knocked on our door last Saturday morning with nothing more serious than legos on his mind. I can only hope that there are many more like him out there and that he's not an exception to the rule...
4 comments:
It was hard to move forward after the events of five years ago. However, nothing positive is accomplished if we (especially as parents) dwell on the negative aspects of what might happen in the future. Certainly, we should not deny that the world is now a different place, but we cannot give in and lose our zest for life and for the great times that await our children.
You are very fortunate, as am I, to live in a place that not only is safe, but where you "feel" safe. It's a great feeling, isn't it?
Hi Betsy,
Reading your blog today made me a bit sad. I grew up in Flanders (still live there) with the amount of freedom you described. I have wonderful childhood memories playing hide and seek in the gardens of all neighbours, screaming loud in the front garden of neighbours whether our little playfriends wanted to come outside (naturally we didn't dare to ring the doorbell, we didn't want to intrude in the neighbours lifes...screaming our lungs out for 10 minutes made much more sense :p), selling caught grasshoppers to the passers-by, baking mud pies in the middle of the street, etc... We had the entire neighbourhood as our play terrain and our parents had a tough time getting us inside long enough to have a decent family meal together.
So it was strange to read your vision on how children grow up in Belgium nowedays. I truly hope it isn't as bad as you describe and it probably depends from neighbourhood to neighbourhood but I fear things have changed a lot over the last 20 years indeed. Parents have after all pedofile activities/kidnappings become way more protective and that's sad because kids really miss out on something that way. I sure hope when I will have kids I can give them the right balance of protection and freedom !!
Bye
Ellen
Hi Ellen! Your childhood memories sound idyllic, and it looks like we have mudpies and grasshoppers in common! :-)
I think your point about neighborhoods being different is very valid. There are surely Belgian neighborhoods where children run around more freely, and, of course German areas where they are kept inside.
But my experience in our particular gemeente was that children did not play out front or on the street. The yards are bigger in Flanders than they are here, so perhaps they were out back, but they were definitely not visible the way they are here.
That, and it was disturbing to see just how preoccupied people are with pedophelia. It was common knowledge in our neighborhood in which houses registered pedophiles lived, and S's first grade teacher took it upon herself to relay gorey stories to the class about children who had been kidnapped, tortured and killed.
I have no idea if the phenomenon is more common there or if the general preoccupation with it causes one to overestimate the danger.
And of course it's not just my gemeente in Belgium that is struggling with these issues-- I get the feeling that today's society in general seems more dangerous than it used to be and that parents everywhere keep closer watch on their children.
To tell you the truth, I am not yet ready to grant my sons with the total freedom that I so admire in J and the other children in our neighborhood. In my mind they are just still too small and inexperienced.
As you said, there is definitely a balance of protection and freedom, and I'm still walking the tightrope trying to find the right combination...
Hi Betsy,
Your connection between the sweet, innocent and trusting actions of a 5-year-old and the events of 9/11 is so powerful! Thanks for making us look at it through fresh eyes.
I couldn't post yesterday. My blog sat empty. (The post that looked like it was written yesterday was actually written the night before... dang Blogger and it's finicky picture editor!!) I still just can't seem to make sense of it all -- not only those horrific events, but the scary events that they seemed to have touch off in so many places around the globe. I won't get too political on ya, but dang -- why can't America stop playing the world bully and just spend some time self-reflecting instead of flexing our proverbial muscles?! I remember when other countries actually LIKED us...
In any case, hug your kids and be grateful for the love of family and friends.
Carol
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