AfricaKid posted today about a book she's just bought which describes the trials and tribulations of Third Culture Kids (TCK's). According to Wikipedia, TCK is a term for children who have lived a significant portion of their lives in a country that is not their passport country, usually because of parents' work obligations. A synonym for this is "global nomad."
I seem to be running across a lot of articles on TCKs lately, and they all stress the negative impact that mobility has on children. Effects cover a full range of problems including fear of commitment, restlessness, loneliness and burgeoning "unresolved grief". One of the authors in AfricaKid's book even refers to TCKs as the "privileged homeless". Although pros such as flexibility and tolerance are mentioned, they are usually overshadowed by the cons in the articles I've read.
I am very aware of the enormous implications this move has for our children. We returned to Belgium in 2004 with plans to set down some roots after 10+ years on the move. We bought a house and have done our best to integrate ourselves into Flemish society. S and B are still young enough that they have blended in seamlessly-- they are very flemish in some aspects. Of course they have already earned TCK status, but if we had been able to stay here they would at least have enjoyed some stability in their formative years.
This move worries me-- we will probably stay in Germany for 3 to 5 years, and it wouldn't surprise me if M gets another international assignment after that. S is only 6 and next year he will be attending his third school in a third country in a third language. At some point we are going to have to seriously work on building some consistency in schooling, etc.
At the moment I'm stressed and worrying, so it's easy to dwell on the negative aspects of these moves. Obviously there are positives as well: I love the fact that my kids are so keenly aware of different cultures; I'm amazed at how effortlessly they switch back and forth between English, Dutch and Flemish dialect. They are bright, interested and compassionate. And at this point they seem very happy and well-adjusted.
And as someone who spent the first 22 years of her life in the same state I'm remarkably restless. 4 international moves have really left their mark-- I find that I don't get attached to houses or neighborhoods like I used to. I love them while I'm there, but do not really miss them when we leave. I guess the moral of this part of the story is that even a stable upbringing in one spot does not guarantee that one will feel rooted to a single location in any way or will be able to relate closely to people from "home".
I'd be interested in hearing about experiences with moves and cultural assimilation! (both positive and negative!) Advice is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or drop me an email!
3 comments:
I've been thinking about this lately too. Have you seen this one? http://www.expatexpert.com/
It's one of the only ones I have found that isn't out of date and has some interesting articles.
Hey--I haven't gotten through the book yet, but want to tell you one thing. NEVER would I trade the experience of growing up in another country! Yes, it was traumatic to move back to the States later on, but the many advantages of my upbringing far outweigh the pains, in the end. Another book I read a few years ago, "Third Culture Kids," has quite a bit to say about the positive parts of a TCK childhood. There is definitely grief involved, but then again, any time we love, grief is part of the equation when we have to say goodbye. I'll bet when you're old and grey, your two boys will thank you for the way you've broadened their world!
Hi! I just found your blog through The Xpat Files and thought I'd drop in and say hello.
Our children (now 10 and 13) were born here in Germany (I'm Canadian, my husband is German) so we don't have the TCK problem, but there are still identity issues to be dealt with and I think it will be more difficult as the children get older. We're pretty fed up with Germany and would love to move back to Canada at some point, but thinking about how much of a culture shock it would be for the kids is quite worrisome.
Are you a member of the Bilingual Families Mailing List? It's a good place to discuss this type of "problem" with others in the same boat. There's a link down near the bottom of my blog sidebar if you're interested.
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