News bulletin

Earthshatteringly important occurrences today in rural Flanders:

1. the 100 year old guy who does landscaping for the village is actually still alive despite his corpse-like demeanor and recent disappearance
   
2. The legal consultant down the street has hung a new "let your dog poop in front of your own door" sign since neighbors have obviously ignored previous warnings
   
3. the health food store has somehow managed to run out of fish oil capsules. (???!!!)
   
4. they've spread fresh mulch out in front of the retirement home next to the school; it looks and smells suspiciously like grape nuts
   
5. Yet another french fry trailer has opened up on the only main road. This brings the total to 5 within a 3 km radius. Interestingly enough this also happens to be the number of strip bars within the same area. I am convinced there is a connection somewhere!