I've got a shiner. Or I guess it's not technically a shiner since that usually refers to a black eye, but it's a big nasty-looking bruise on my chin and it's just as embarrassing.I got it Thursday and it eerily recalls the last rendezvous my head had with the pavement in May 2005. (but then without the ensuing visit to the emergency room, concussion and X-rays, luckily.) Such is life with a Labrador who thinks razor scootering should be a contact sport.
Actually I'm not sure D caused my short flight through the air this time. But she's an easy scapegoat since one minute I was scootering along with her running next to me and the next minute I was lying flat out feeling surprised that the pavement is so unforgiving.
Put ice on it right away. And received further first-aid in the form of concerned kisses from S and B. But that didn't stop my chin from birthing a knot about the size of half a walnut and turning a remarkable shade of aubergine.
The injury itself was peanuts-- it's the aftermath that's so annoying. How the heck does a woman my age explain facial bruises?
M suggested that I wear big sunglasses and flinch when I tell people that I walked into a door. This suggestion might have been funny if it didn't betray just how many seedy made-for-tv movies we've watched over the years. (and if it weren't for the sad fact that many real-life women are victims of domestic violence...)
I tried to cover it up with makeup yesterday but that made it look even more conspicuous. Am seriously considering a fake beard for going out in public. Or a tattoo on my forehead to draw people's attention away from my chin. Maybe I could just write "No, my husband didn't do this" on a post-it note and stick it to my collar...
In any case my modelling career is on hold for a few more days. But after that, the sky's the limit!
4 comments:
Suggestion:
Have LABRADOR OWNER embroidered on the front of your winter coat. When other people who live with labs see you coming, they will understand immediately. You will probably gets lots of spontaneous hugs and "Hang in there!"s from strangers on the street.
As for the poor people who don't have labrador experience, they really should get a life...
MGB
On days like this I think that Labs should be put on the list of dangerous dogs along with pit bulls and Rottweilers...
Oh NO! Big hugs! Chloe
I am with MGB, all the way, embroider the jacket and wear it PROUDLY! Dogs rule, people drool. Sidebar- MGB would also remember a story of a woman who chased -no TRIED to chase- her now ex-husband down the street when he said he and his friend were going to the bar without the women. The same woman managed, mid-chase, to trip on a skipping rope fence around the newly seeded lawn, land flat on her face, spraining both wrists, scraping hands, knees and face to ribbons, breaking a front tooth, oh and as it turned out after X-ray, breaking one elbow as well. Concerned hospital staff questioning her about how the incident had occurred, kept saying they could protect her from what was obviously wife-beating, but her sister (who had escorted her to the hospital because husband was VERY queasy about hospitals), after hearing the story repeated three times to different hospital officials, piped up "Believe her. She's an idiot." ... sigh
Don't quite know what one would embroider on one's winter coat in that situation. MGB - help please?
Seneca :p
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