Just found out an old college friend of mine has succumbed to cancer. He was only 40 and went downhill very quickly. He kept a blog over the last couple of months to keep everyone informed of his "transition into the hereafter"-- Max always had a flair for drama... :-)
I've been thinking a lot lately about the insight and immediacy that blogging gives to life (and death). I loved Max when I knew him in college and have followed his life superficially through a mutual friend, but we have unfortunately lost touch over the years. And yet, because of this blog I've been privy to personal, profound moments in (the end of) his life.
Blogging renders the world transparent and sheds new light on previously darkened corners. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
On the one hand I want to know the details-- just out of interest in someone for whom I harbor an enormous amount of respect and affection. But on the other hand, it's been a cold, hard slap of reality to realize with each new posting that something so horrible can happen to any one of us at any time. And that someone so wonderful had to suffer so much.
I would probably have been just as undone if I had just heard from Lisa that he'd died without knowing the details, but I don't know that following along these last few weeks has helped me process it any better...
2 comments:
I read Max's diary. Wow. Cancer is so ugly. Here's wishing you warmth and a hug, Betsy. Anniversaries are so hard. Mom died on Easter, April 11, 2004. And because Easter is on a different date each year, I have to endure TWO anniversaries of her death each year, Easter and April 11th.
Be good to yourself today.
Carol
Thanks! That was really nice of you, and I needed that virtual hug.
I was up on Max's blog earlier this evening, maybe not advisable since I'm feeling a bit down anyway, and I've noticed that a lot of his old posts have been archived.
Which is probably a good thing. He was always very articulate and wrote some horrifying posts in the beginning-- stuff that would give you nightmares...
I think it was probably a real relief for him when he finally died. Just to escape the pain of his everyday existence...
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