I can't stop thinking about yesterday's post and the plight of modern day mothers. I've been thinking about this a lot lately-- especially in light of the added responsibilities of the Christmas season.
Christmas is supposed to be a happy, carefree time; one that people look forward to all year long. But I've hardly seen any Christmas cheer this year-- and this has nothing to do with Germany, rather it's the product of modern society. That mothers who are already at the end of their ropes are landed with the extra responsibility of decorating, baking, shopping and still maintaining a warm, happy demeanor.
Last week I got home to a hysterical message on my answering machine-- a mother from our playgroup who was near tears about a glitch in a Secret Santa gift exchange. And of course it wasn't the gift exchange that was the real problem, she's got 4 kids under 5 and is feeling completely overwhelmed at the moment. But the point is that the added stress of organizing the gift exchange was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Yesterday a neighbor dropped by to pick up a document I'd edited for her. I could tell when she walked in the door that something was wrong. When I asked "Everything OK?" she rolled her eyes. "I HATE CHRISTMAS!" she groused, obviously relieved to be able to vent to someone. "I was already stretched to the limit and now there is so much more to do on top of it-- I'm just SO tired! I can't wait until the holidays are over!"
And I can completely empathize with this statement. I recently confided to another friend that Christmas seems like a chore. Something that has to be done for the children's sake, but which is not at all enjoyable. This is a feeling that's further complicated by the fact that I am not Christian and cannot identify myself with the holiday-- I celebrate it merely because it is a cultural phenomenon and a tradition that I feel obliged to pass on to S and B.
Modern women may have made a lot of strides in the struggle to choose the course of their lives, but sometimes these victories can also spell our downfall. The more choices we have, the more we take on, and we're starting to lose a part of ourselves in the process.
I have no solution for the problem, but merely wanted to acknowledge it by putting it down in writing. And, of course to elicit comments, because I'm curious if the rest of you are sharing the same experience.
**10 points for anyone who recognizes the quote in today's title! :-)
6 comments:
Dr Seuss! I win win. I...cheated on Google. Do I get 10 points anyway?
The "new you" (a la Edward Gorey) is perfect for today's post!
Hang in there...
MGB
CC: You're right! I guess this means that the Grinch wasn't a big part of your childhood, though, was it? We're going to have to remedy that one...
Thanks, Mom! She is quite lovely, isn't she? Bonus points to you for recognizing Gorey! :-)
But Betsy! It wouldn't be Christmas without a Grinch! (Although I somehow doubt that your heart is two sizes too small. ;-))
of course the quote is from my good friend, Dr. Seuss ; and OF COURSE other people feel the way you do, darling
it's a horrible commercialized, and subsequently bastardized, phenomenon
anytime there is SO much expectation, we are bound to be totall disappointed (it's the same with a movie or a relationshiop or a guys "package," know what I mean?)
on the upswing, your children will thank you for it (and pass on the stress to their children) and at lest your not suicidal (they go up like ten fold at the holidays; my ER will be very busy)
oh, yah - one more thing: there's a really cool book, though I can't remember the titile; it's full of alternative ceremonies for families; it's awesome; their are great fun celebratsions, but also very important, formative type ones for kids (things that are missing in today's society)
Love you girl - Lang
I no longer have little ones, which makes the holiday easier in some ways (boy, do I remember feeling bone-weary a lot when my three were tiny). Also, I've given up on some of the things I'd love to do but have found I'm just not capable of--(ie, mass mailings of Christmas letters to friends, hosting Christmas parties and cookie swaps, and so on). That's not to say I won't host a gathering now and then, but not two years in a row! Yes, sometimes I feel guilty about that. But it makes me too crazy otherwise. We have the non-negotiables: eating a homemade breakfast together Christmas day and opening gifts, going to some type of church service. But pared way down.
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