28 September, 2007

Oh to be young and carefree again. (NOT!)

I'd awoken that morning with a headache. The kind that makes you understand why patients in the middle ages agreed to let their doctors pierce their skulls with instruments which were probably better suited for gardening.

My first instinct was to burrow back under the covers, but we had a guest staying with us, so I had entertaining duties in addition to some unavoidable errands. I dragged myself out of bed and pulled on a pair of semi-clean jeans that were lying in a crumpled heap on the floor.

We stopped at a gas station on the way out of town. The headache had continued to amplify, so I remember being a bit slow to answer when our friend said: "Um Betsy, is that your underwear?"

I turned around to look in the direction he was pointing and saw a familiar-looking pair of bikini briefs lying on the ground behind me. My stomach turned.

My mother always taught me that honesty is the best policy, even if the truth is horrifically embarrassing. So I said:

"No! Of course not! Why would you think that?"

He looked very confused. "Well, because I just saw them fall out of your pants leg. Aren't you going to pick them up?"

I looked at him as if he were insufferably stupid and said: "You must be mistaken. I've got my own underwear, thanks." And showed him the waistband.

And I must have been pretty convincing because he became so confused that he stood rooted to the spot with his mouth open.

I herded him back to the car and drove off quickly, trying to divert his attention, trying to forget the fact that earlier that morning I'd picked up a pair of jeans off of the floor. A pair of jeans which I'd slipped off the night before with my underwear still inside. A pair of underwear which I left forlorn and betrayed on the ground at a gas station on the road to hell...

Now it's your turn. Tell me one of your most embarrassing moments! :-)


Susie Q said...

NO!!!!!! Holy shit, are you serious? Whatever happened with your visitor?

Once I walked to work with my skirt tucked up into my pantyhose. People were honking and shouting at me and I thought it was so weird but couldn't figure out why. When I finally got to work my friend told me and I thought I might die of embarrassment.

Greg said...

As a tender high-school sophomore I worked up the courage to ask M. to a dance.
M. was beautiful; jet black hair and blue eyes--a real looker.
She sat in front of me in Spanish class.

I had a horrible head cold that was finally breaking up when I finally broached the question to M.
She turned in her seat in class to regard me, and I noticed her staring rather fixedly at my spot below my collar. I didn't glance down, but, intent on my task, rambled on about picking her up or meeting her at the dance, rides home, etc. Surprisingly, she said yes to my offer. I was over the moon!

To my horror, moments later, I happened to glance down to see an unsightly gob of...ahem...snot on my shirt. Why M. had agreed to go out with me, I don't know.

Goofball said...

Sorry Betsy, I don't think I can beat your story! :p

Laura said...

OH MY GOSH!!! You lived it...my worst nightmare. I have a habit of doing just what you did and always THANKFULLY my underwear comes out when I put one of my legs through a leg of the jeans...and at that moment I always think...THANK GOD FOR THAT. MAN THAT WOULD BE REALLY embarrassing.

I feel for you. I will have to try to funnel a few of my MANY moments into a concise few paragraphs...not sure if that is possible, but I will try.

Hang in there,

Laura said...

OK,now I remember one....my husband was a pilot and apparently one morning he jumped into his flight suit with it's many velcro patches and headed for work...I got an email about an hour into his day...."ARE YOU MISSING ANYTHING?" was all it said. Apparently a pair of my thong underwear was stuck to one of these patches and his boss...pulled it off and handed it to him. Asking how was his morning so far.

OH...man there are so many....now you have my wheels spinning.

Anonymous said...

I played a tennis tournament once with my shorts unzipped. And no one would have noticed it except that I stuffed balls in my pockets, which stretched my pants tight and opened up the zipper so everyone could see what I was wearing underneath.


Betsy said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh how great-- these are even better than I'd expected!

Susie: Yes, totally serious. Believe it or not we're still in touch with that visitor, even though this happened more than a decade ago. He's never mentioned it since and I don't think I'm going to be the one to bring it up.

Oh, and the skirt thing? That's HORRENDOUS! Sounds like something that would happen to me...

Greg: CRINGE! The amazing thing is that she still said "yes", because the whole snot issue could have sunk the deal! You must have been a real babe! ;-)

Ellen:Em. Ellen? Weren't you the one who walked around Gent with a hole in your jeans and white underwear on? That's nowhere near as embarrassing as my story but I had a good laugh at your expense anyway! ;-)

Laura:OH MY GOD! That is hilarious! That's straight out of a movie like "Something About Mary"! I concede the victory-- You win the blue ribbon. Hands down! (so far...) ;-)

Bob: The first thing that popped into my head was a crude pun. But luckily I'm more mature than that.

Sounds like it was totally embarrassing! But then the next question is: Did you win? (I sure hope so after all that!!!)

Goofball said...

oh thanks for browsing my archives and reminding me of something I had pushed away because I apparently forgot. Just found it back on my own blog so it must have truly happened :p.

Thanks to everyone for making me laugh today! Great hilarious stories.

anno said...

You've definitely found the prompt for elicit some very interesting stories...

I think my most embarrassing moment happened during a church youth group canoe trip in the late spring of my junior year. It was sunny and warm enough to wear a swim suit, but the river, when my canoe tipped over, was still icy and cold.

When I surfaced, I was completely numb... and totally oblivious to the fact that my less-than-practical bathing suit top had come undone during my plunge.

Then there was the time when I was roasting a chicken and the oven caught fire...

But no, I think the swimming suit incident "tops" that one.

Anonymous said...

No, I lost, unfortunately, which made it a double humiliation.


Rebecca said...

that was truly truly hilarious.

Thanks for the laugh! hee hee.

still laughing :)

Anonymous said...

Last year, eating in the cafeteria with my fellow women only coworkers, I was eating a salad and wanted to spread more dressing on it. I didn't screw the top tight enough and I was whiplashed with Italian dressing when I shook the bottle. Thankfully, I had my glasses on because it would have stung my eyes. I got it in my hair, all over my top, pants and sweater. I cleaned up and went back to my desk only for the guys to give me grief about smelling like vinegar. I had to go home, shower, and throw the clothes in the wash. The oil stain never did come out.
The next month or so, I was asked every day at lunch if I was going to wear my salad dressing again.
Lurking Lisa

Jen said...

Oh my goodness, Betsy, this is too funny! I've been having headaches and guests too, since Wednesday and I know what lengths one can go to in that combination. YIKES. This gave me a good laugh this morning and I needed it. BTW... I'm SO sorry I haven't properly answered your pleas for help on the teaching thing. I really got very sick last week. I'll definitely respond more fully later today.

Jen said...

Oh, and here's mine... I was 13, the age when nothing you do ISN'T embarrassing. I was in a swim race, wearing a two piece suit because I had just discovered boys and was STUPID, did a racing dive off the edge of the pool and sprinted for the 100 yard swim. The entire camp stood around the pool watching, because this was part of our camp's annual Olympics. Well, I won the race, but the bottom of my swim suit left me at that first dive as I tore off in the water. Pretty darned embarrassing. The only thing that saved me was that we were all kicking up so much foam that no one saw all that much.

Betsy said...

These were great, guys, thanks! Who knew that salad dressing, bathing suits and tennis shorts could be such a recipe for disaster?

Oh, I remembered one that should be on this list that happened to me, but only indirectly.

I had a first (and last) date I had with a very cute guy who ended up eating a couple of hamburgers too many. (Presumably because he was out with me and I was SUCH a hot number...)

Anyway I was driving him home in my mother's car when he started projectile vomiting.

I remember watching in horror (with one eye on the road) as he was rolling down the window-- effectively rolling a swath of vomit down along with it into the door.

The most embarrassing part of all was that the pre-vomit part of the date hadn't gone well. We just didn't click. So when we didn't go out a second time he assumed it was because I held the chunks in the car against him.....

Man am I ever glad I don't have to be a teenager again!