19 January, 2008

Need a laugh?

Still don't have jack to say in the virtual realm. But I guess I should at least be happy that I haven't lost my sense of humor in the real one!

I "stumbled" across this list of Steven Wright's one liners and they cracked me up! Here are a few great ones for your reading pleasure:
  • Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
  • Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.
  • If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
  • Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
  • How come abbreviated is such a long word?
  • Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
  • What would a chair look like if your knees bent the otherway?
  • When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
  • Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
  • Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
  • If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
  • When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
  • Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
  • Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
  • What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
  • Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
There are plenty more where these came from. I wish I had a portal into Steven Wright's head, but this evening I just settled for (and enjoyed) the list at this person's site...


Jen of A2eatwrite said...

Thanks for giving me some laughs on this Sunday morning!

Greg said...

I love Wright's stuff. Did you hear this one?

"I put instant coffee in my microwave and went back in time."

anno said...

Oh, I like this guy a lot! These are the kind of lines that sneak up on a person and keep them laughing all day -- thanks!