Get along little doggies! (Yippy ti yi yo!!!)

I helped chaperone S's class field trip to the theater this morning. Which wasn't exceptional in itself. The really amazing part about the whole thing?

They walked there.

Yep, you heard me right. They went to see a play in the next town over and they walked almost 4 miles to get there!

This is one of the things that I love about living in this part of Germany!

Precocious patootie

Next week we're off to the Allgäu for a week of wintersport. I don't know who's more excited, M or the kids!

B was full of bubbly talk on the walk to school this morning. He was thrilled by the fact that he was the one who came up with a storage solution for the ski equipment-- he'd suggested that we keep it under their bunk beds in the camper.

I lauded him for his creative thinking but said that I was worried about one thing: had he thought about what to do at night? It's a good thing he's on the top bunk, but still, he should be careful, because there are two kinds of skis, poisonous ones and constrictors, and we aren't sure which ones ours are...

Suddenly he burst out laughing and my little six-year-old shouted:

"Mama! That's totally not true! Skis are not made out of living material!"

He may be completely twisted by the time he grows up but this kid is going to have a killer vocabulary!

DISKO DISKO PARTIZANI!!!

I saw Shantel on Paul de Leeuw the other night and just can't get enough of his music! It's catchy, original and just makes me smile.

Billboard's critic did a good job of summing it all up:

Stefan Hantel, aka Shantel, is German, but his love and respect for Eastern European and Arab music infuse the tracks he's put together for this collection. The worldwide popularity of hip-hop and club beats can often make one fear for the future of indigenous sounds, but Shantel has found a way to mash the fractured rhythms of the Balkans, Israel, North Africa, and various Gypsy cultures into the basic disco thump without diluting these ancient traditions. .

Every track is a multinational mash-up full of insane good humor and booty-bouncing beats guaranteed to get you out of you seat and onto the dancefloor...

Every track on this 14-tune salvo brings new delights, integrating Greek, Turkish, Bulgarian, Jamaican, and African-American beats with a wild abandon that bodes well for the future of a new global pop music. ~ j. poet, All Music Guide

Is it her head that's shrinking or is it mine?

I was hiking up a very steep grassy hill this morning. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect, and I was mesmerized by the rhythm of my breath and the pleasant tinkling of the tags attached to D's collar.

Even D seemed to be enjoying the exertion-- carefully following my every step. For once she didn't stop abruptly to eat rotten apples; a habitual action which pulls the leash taut and gives my shoulder joint a sudden jolt.

I had almost reached the end of my climb when I saw a black blur out of the corner of my eye. Turned my head to see a goofy black lab barreling across the slope toward me.

What a beautiful creature!

I turned back to see if D had noticed the oncoming projectile and was shocked to see an empty collar at the other end of my leash...

Easily Amused

Have you all heard about the Dialectizer? You type in any URL and it automatically creates a parody using a chosen dialect. You can try the Swedish Chef, Cockney or my very favorite, Elmer Fudd. Here is an excerpt from yesterday's post a la Herr Fudd:

Need a waugh?

Stiww don't have jack to say in the viwtuaw weawm. But I guess I shouwd at weast be happy that I haven't wost my sense of humow in the weaw one!

I "stumbwed" acwoss this wist of Steven Wwight's one winews and they cwacked me up! Hewe awe a few gweat ones fow youw weading pweasuwe:

• Wast night I pwayed a bwank tape at fuww bwast. De mime next doow went nuts. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit!
• Just think how much deepew the ocean wouwd be if sponges didn't wive thewe.
• If a cow waughed, wouwd miwk come out hew nose?
• Whose cwuew idea was it fow the wowd "wisp" to have an "s" in it?
• Since wight twavews fastew than sound, isn't that why some peopwe appeaw bwight untiw you heaw them speak?
• How come abbweviated is such a wong wowd?

As if Steven Wright wasn't already suwweaw enough to begin with! :-D

Need a laugh?

Still don't have jack to say in the virtual realm. But I guess I should at least be happy that I haven't lost my sense of humor in the real one!

I "stumbled" across this list of Steven Wright's one liners and they cracked me up! Here are a few great ones for your reading pleasure:

• Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
• Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.
• If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
• Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
• How come abbreviated is such a long word?
• Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
• What would a chair look like if your knees bent the otherway?
• When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
• Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
• Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
• If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
• When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
• Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
• Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
• Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
• What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
• Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

There are plenty more where these came from. I wish I had a portal into Steven Wright's head, but this evening I just settled for (and enjoyed) the list at this person's site...

Evolution of ze hair

My blogging muse seems to be taking an extended holiday. She made herself scarce over Christmas and New Years, which was to be expected. We're well into the new year, however, and the little tramp still hasn't shown up! Thus, my friends, the lack of posts on this particular URL.

I do have one small diversion for you. I've finally gotten around to putting together a photo album for 2006 and 2007. For lack of any other dangerous hobbies, I've spent an inordinate amount of time experimenting with my hair during this particular time period. Sometimes with success, sometimes with disastrous results...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Evolution of ze Hair:

Oops!

Yesterday I was woken up by the sound of my own snoring.

Which wouldn't have been so bad except that I was in the middle of a yoga class...

The world is on fire

As if I actually needed another reason to like Sarah McLachlan!

Straight out of National Lampoon...

I have had the MOABD! (Mother of all bad days)! The kids are still on vacation so M convinced me to take them out to the Black Forest so that they could learn to ski. A friend of ours is a ski instructor and has been saying he'd be glad to teach them, just let him know when.

For the record, I am NOT a winter person. Put me in the middle of the ski slope when it's sunny and I'm OK, but just thinking about all the other BS around it makes me want to crawl under a rock and stop breathing until it's all over.

But of course I know that the kids will love it, that it's important to take advantage of where we live, etc, etc. So we left this morning and drove the 1 1/2+ hours to the ski slopes. Lengthy drama because there's no place to park. Then there are no skis. All three rental places were completely empty. I know because I stood in line at each and every one of them.

We ended up renting sleds for the kids, but that just wasn't the big bang they'd been expecting. So the friend suggests that we walk up to a hut a few kilometers away. It's all uphill, but hey, I'm up for a bit of exercise and at least then we might get a chance to warm up and eat.

We get there after much hemming and hawing from the kids and guess what? No real food to be had. Just cake. Party for the kids, but a complete disaster for me-- I have a blood sugar issue and can't metabolize sugar. I eschewed the cake for a half a sandwich I'd had in my pocket, which brought me back from the brink of death. In hindsight I think I might have preferred to expire right there on the floor of the schnitzel shack.

We started back towards the ski area and suddenly B was gone. At first I was calm, figured he was just around the next bend, but still no B. Have you ever tried to canvas people skiing past if they've seen a kid in a blue snowsuit? It's sheer madness-- there are thousands of kids bobbing around in blue snowsuits! I'm surprised nobody laughed; it was that absurd.

I finally found B, and when I'd finished having a near epileptic fit I took the kids to return their sleds. We walked into the shop and a girl pushed ahead of us and swiped B with her ski poles-- BINGO, right in the eye! He actually took a ski pole to the eye! There was some blood inside his lower eyelid but now that I've had some experience with these things I could tell he's probably going to be OK.

We finally make it back to the car. Our friend is driving a bit erratically, and, as luck would have it, B has to pee. We look for the next rest stop, but our chauffeur isn't paying attention. He takes the ramp too fast and has to hit the brakes in order to keep control of the car. Up until that point he'd been driving with a thermos of hot coffee between his legs. (you see where this is going, don't you?) So he slams on the brakes and the thermos crashes to the floor. He's shouting: "SHIT! HOT COFFEE" and is swerving around the rest stop with one hand and trying to fish the thermos off of the ground with the other. Luckily I didn't know at the time that it had actually rolled under the brake so that he couldn't stop the car.

So. disaster averted. B pees and we get back into the car. Finally make it home after 8 1/2 hours of sheer hell. Finally take off of our damp clothes. And I empty my pockets. only to find that in the midst of all the chaos I've managed to lose EUR 180 that I'd had stashed in my jacket pocket...