05 December, 2007

I never liked the taste of liver...

Believe it or not I'm still alive and kicking. I've been having a hard time staying afloat this past week. I feel like my canoe has been springing leak after leak. And I don't like what's seeping in: sadness, aversion, guilt. I'm bailing it all out steadily-- but I'm not always very efficient in my efforts.

On top of everything we all seem to be fighting off a virus. And all this struggling leaves me irritable and bellicose. There's a fresh-faced woman in my German class who is still young enough that she can afford to see the world in black and white.

Yesterday she saw fit to pass judgment on an entire demographic of people. People who are faced with some very personal, highly-nuanced decisions at the end of their lives. And this young, healthy, fortunate woman passed her self-righteous judgment on them and wrote them off as "wrong".

Her arrogance floored me. I found myself willing her to burst into flame right there on the spot. Debated with her for a couple of minutes but then let it drop-- the windmills at which I was tilting are ancient and well-established, and they'll be around long after I'm gone.

The altercation is long over but I am still feeling the burn of residual indignation.

I can't seem to shake this heavy feeling. My "to-do" list is growing steadily-- I should be out right now running errands but am tempted to just crawl back into bed.

I've got a bad taste in my mouth; the greasy, repugnant flavor of liver and onions...

11 comments:

anno said...

Gack!! I didn't realize I was contagious! I'm sorry to hear you've been infected as well. You might consider trying that Shiraz you recommended... it's helped around here.

Hope you are all feeling better soon!

christina said...

Ack! (I wanted to say Gack! but it was already taken) - poor you. I've been feeling pretty irritable and bellicose myself lately and I think that woman would have had me fuming. There's no use trying to enter into any kind of debate with those types. Grrrr.

Goofball said...

Hmmm try to take a loooooooong soaking bath?

Any dvd of a stand-up comedian that you really really love? I was very stressed out, pissed off etc a couple week ago and in the evening there was a comedy show on tv and I just cracked up during an entire hour and felt very refreshed!

Greg said...

Ahhhh, the virus--both real and metaphorical. What vitamin dispels this creeping crud? I applaud you catching yourself and not arguing further with that young woman...your mindfulness practice no doubt aided you there. Be well, friend. Be kind to yourself.

Carol said...

Me too. I think it's finding its way around the globe. Feels like emotional CRUD! Feel better soon!

Carol

Anonymous said...

I felt that way last week...had a few drinks with friends over the weekend and laughed my head off. Then I decided I wouldn't let the lack of sunshine (so much lately) not get to me. I turn the lights on hoping it replaces all of this darkness.
I hope you can shake it off soon. Lurking Lisa

Anonymous said...

LOVE YOU, BETS'...

MOM

Anonymous said...

Sorry you are so down Bets. I have found that forcing myself into doing a task that will give me satisfaction when it is completed has helped me bounce back...that and Shiraz

Hugs...
Dad

Africakid said...

Betsy, may your canoe float along without too many leaks...
Maybe you need a pirate ship, instead?

Betsy said...

Thanks so much for your nice comments, guys! They were very much appreciated! :-)

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

It must be this month. And I hope things get easier. It's very easy to pass judgments from on high, isn't it?

I can relate in just about every way to this post.

Too bad we can't run down to the corner bar for a glass of wine...