REDRUM REDRUM

Early this morning I was wrenched from the depths of sleep by a woman calling loudly to her children right outside my window. I summoned up every bit of evil energy I could muster and beamed it in her direction. Within two minutes it started lighting and thundering. Within five it was pouring rain.

How cool is that!?

Now if only I could learn to harness this energy and somehow use it on my children…

There are no words to describe the Crazy Cars Auto Motor Show yesterday evening. Or there are, but they’re along the lines of “terrifying” and “panic-inducing”, which doesn’t adequately describe the horror I felt during most of the 100 minutes it lasted.

I suppose I should have realized it was not my kind of show during the warmup, in which we were introduced to “Big Sven” and his unicycle. Big Sven was missing about half his teeth, presumably due to some less successful tricks on the asphalt. To his credit, he only fell in front of us once, but then it was hard enough to break the hurdle he was trying to jump over. Shortly thereafter he grabbed a somewhat dazed-looking toddler and cycled around with him on his shoulders…

The show consisted of various stunts using motorcycles and quads. The star was erratic and wired; gave the impression that he'd survived the last three days on nothing more than cigarettes and amphetamines. He wore no helmet and performed a few tricks in which he hung by his knees 30 meters above the asphalt with no safety cord and no net.

I have to admit that the stunts were impressive. But often in a sort of disagreeable, toe-curling kind of way. I was convinced that I would be able to link to a YouTube clip today—one which would bear the tags “fatal” and “accident” and maybe even “spectators crushed in rollover incident”.

When we left the grass in front of our bleachers was on fire from an accidental gasoline spill and the daredevil star had ended his last trick by limping off the field amidst a flurry of (supposed) paramedics and a clown in a curly rainbow-colored wig...

Tomorrow we’re planning to visit Ljubliana. Slovenia is only about 30km to the north and we were really impressed with what we saw on the way here.

That’s good, because I’m really needing a change of scene. It’s time to flee the hoards of sweaty tourists with their tacky fake tattoos, their tight Playboy T-shirts and their skin which has been cooked to the color and texture of bacon. I’m starting to chafe at the lines for the shower and the baker and the sound of our neighbor’s voice as he describes his latest blackout due to copious amounts of Ouzo and Brandy…

It’s stopped raining but the sky is still leaden and threatening. Time to close this down and go mine the guidebook for some kind of indoor diversion. Otherwise I can’t be responsible for what I might do next with the lightning and the thunder…

**Crazy Cars photo courtesy of Show-connection.com