Are you just happy to see me or is that a pistol? (Bang!)

B is away, so S and I decided to have a movie night and watch something for "big kids".  He chose a James Bond film.  We were in the middle of the movie and James is seducing some sinuous Bond girl.  They've fallen into bed and are exchanging whole string of cheesy seduction lines when suddenly S groans and says:  "Come on!  I want to see some action!"

It took me a couple of excruciating seconds to realize that he was referring to gunfire and car chases.

The last thing he said before being bludgeoned.

S and I were relaxing in the sun during lunch this afternoon.

"Mom,  I think that later I'm going to get a pig as a pet."

"Not while you're living under my roof you won't."

"OK, so I'll do it when I'm a grown-up then."

"And what do you plan to do about the pig poop?  We've got a dog and a cat right now and you never clean up any of their poop."

"I'll have a wife!"

!!!!????  "What?!  No you won't if you keep up that attitude!  Women don't like it when you say things like that!"


"OK.  But then how did Daddy get YOU to do it?"

That's all, Folks!

A friend of B's called to invite him to come along to Berlin over spring break.  When the father got on the phone, I thanked him but said that I'd be coming in B's place and would just leave him here at home alone.  with a can opener.

*crickets*

When I related the uncomfortable silence to B later he rolled his eyes and said:  "Mo-hoooom!  Germans don't get Looney Tunes references!"

Well, at least I crack *myself* up!

Braaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnnnssssssss!

A couple of days ago S told me an lame joke in German about a zombie who starved to death in a roomful of blondes.

"Umm, S?  You do realize that you're blonde too, right?"

"Yeah, but I said:  "Blondine".  That's a blonde WOMAN."

"Hmm.  OK, so what do you call a blonde man?"

He gives me an impish smile, wiggles his eyebrows and says:  "Good lookin'!"