Moving HELL

Moving is stressful enough on its own, but what if you throw in a couple of medical emergencies just to make the day even more "interesting"?

The morning started off well enough. M's brother had come down from Amsterdam to help and we had a good laugh about the dog, who snored loudly for the better part of an hour while 5 burly strangers literally carted all of our belongings out of the house!

We were just about finished throwing the last bits and pieces into boxes when the school called: S's finger(s) had been slammed in a door, it was bleeding, possibly broken, and we needed to come get him immediately to take him to a doctor. Of course my jacket had been packed, my keys had been packed-- I'm lucky I actually had shoes on! ;-)

So I raced down to pick him up-- his hand was bandaged and he had blood all over his shirt, but it seemed like his finger(s) had stopped bleeding by that time. Took him to the pediatrician who confirmed that he wouldn't need stitches, but who forwarded me on to the emergency clinic here in town so that he could have some x-rays taken. We were giving all of our information when an acquaintance got wheeled past on a brancard to be taken to the hospital with a broken leg!!!

S got x-rays taken and we were waiting for the results when suddenly I hear M's voice! ??? Turned around and was shocked to see him standing there next to one of the movers, who was holding a huge wad of paper towels on his head! Apparently one of his buddies had put some 2,5 meter metal poles on top of the truck, but hadn't secured them. When this guy pressed the button to open the back of the truck, the door pulled a pole off the roof, it fell from the top of the truck, end first, DIRECTLY ONTO HIS HEAD! M saw the whole thing happen and said it was completely surreal!

So of course the moving guy is bleeding like crazy. M rinsed him off with some water, gave him a compress and brought him to the emergency clinic. His brother stayed behind to clean up the blood and help coordinate the other 4 movers who just continued on with their work.

In the end the poor moving guy had a 6 cm gash on his head which took 7 staples to close!!! He looked like Frankenstein and actually even schlepped some heavy stuff after we got back to the house!

S's finger wasn't broken after all, thank God. The door had actually closed all the way, and his finger had split in three places, but the wounds were superficial, luckily. He wore a cast for a couple of days, which meant no homework and lots of attention from the other kids in the class. (Oh, and he told me somewhat proudly yesterday that he left some impressive blood stains on the carpet in the classroom.)

We're now paying for the chaotic nature of the last hour of packing-- I opened up a box yesterday looking for B's shoes and found a dead plant, a pillow case and a box of cat food. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, now, though, and I'm just hoping that it's not the train......................

Either Vlad's been hitting the Rogain...

...or I've been slacking at dusting...

Roots.

Was out walking D with the kids when I noticed a new patch of gray hair sprouting on her neck. When I mentioned it S hesitated and said: "Umm, Mom, I've um sort of noticed that, well, umm, you've got some new gray hair too." And B chimed in with: "YEAH! I've been wondering what that weird stripe was on the top of your head!"

*Sigh* It's high time to make a new appt at the salon but I'm afraid I'll have to wait until after the move to do it. In the meantime I'm afraid I look like Pepe Lepew...

M's even funny when he's annoyed!

We're sorting through boxes and I'm worn down and am not being as focused as I should be.

Me: Hey! Here's some Kazakh money!

M: Mmmhmm.

Me: Hey-- A was born in Kazakhstan! I'll bet he'd think it was funny! Maybe you could give it to him!

M: Mmmhmm.

Me: ... for sexual favors!

M: The only sexual favor he could do for me would be to stay away from me!

but I'm sure it looked hilarious!

Our landlord will be arriving in 15 minutes with a painter to look around our current house and make a list of rooms that will need to be painted before the next tenants can move in. It looks like a bomb has gone off in here. *AND* due to a combination of procrastination and spectacularly bad planning I've only just noticed that our vacuum cleaner is at the other house. So I just vacuumed our whole downstairs floor with a dustbuster.

Man, I can't wait until this transition phase is behind us!

Actually I had two shots of vodka just before I came in!

I had my standard biennial physical this week. My doctor checked my blood, respiration and circulation and then led me into an examination room where she did an ultrasound check of my major organs just to make sure that everything was still where it should be. (It was.)

I was watching the screen, following along with her when she said:

"Aha. There's your gall bladder. You must be sober."

I stifled a laugh. "Am I sober? Um, yeah, it's 11am!"

And it was only then that I realized that the German word for "sober" (nüchtern) also means that you have an empty stomach. :-D

Quick update

Haven't written in a while and am realizing that all kinds of things are going on that aren't being recorded here! So here's a list, not necessarily in chronological order or order of importance.

1. Thought the cat was at death's door, but it turns out that she's fine. Thank goodness, but worrying about her probably shortened *my* life.
2. We bought the house, have organized for contractors to put a door into one wall and move the door on another. I've painted one wall in S's room and have schlepped over more boxes than I care to remember. Official moving date is set for April 6th.
3. B stepped wrong coming down the stairs and has sprained his ankle. It was surprisingly hard to find crutches that were the right size for him. He didn't seem to mind all the attention he got the first day he used them but quickly decided that they're way too much effort and is champing at the bit wanting to heal up and get off of them. Might last another week.
4. M is in Moscow on business this week and keeps sending me pictures of our old haunts- on the one hand I'm thrilled for him and on the other I'm positively green with jealousy.
5. Went down today and registered B for middle school for next year! How on earth is this possible?!
6. Yesterday a bully knocked S down, ripped off his good boots and threw them 5 stories down a stairwell. They're totally trashed. I was livid! Called him up and went ballistic over the telephone like a Howler straight out of Harry Potter. Afterward I felt totally ashamed and totally satisfied all at the same time... :-P
7. We were hoping to find someone to take over our current house from May 1st in order to avoid paying an extra month of double rent. The real estate agent called me yesterday to say she's found someone and they're happy to move in already in the middle of April! AWESOME!

I'm sure there's more, but I'm so fried at this moment that nothing is coming to mind. More later...

A quick trip down the rabbit hole.

I was just hiking in the woods when suddenly a herd of cross-dressers thundered past! They were a group of older men with enviably perky boobs, flowing wigs and lacy socks peeking out above their jogging shoes. They waved merrily as they passed and I returned their greeting, slightly dumbfounded.

It was only a few seconds later as a second group passed me, this time dressed up as clowns, that it hit me: Fasching. The running club obviously decided to spice up their training today.

Crazy German Carnival is sure keeping my life interesting this week!

OMG, are you OK?

B got home before me this afternoon. When I arrived he opened the door. He was deathly pale with dark rings under his eyes and a little bit of dried blood at the corner of his mouth.

It took me several horrified seconds before I realized that his class had a Fasching (Carnival) party at school today and he'd dressed himself up as a vampire...

Tagged

Goofball tagged me for a meme and since I'm procrastinating doing laundry and cleaning the bathrooms this morning I'm all over this one! ;-)

Rule #1: the tagged person must write their answers on their blog and replace any question they dislike with a new question they formulated themselves.
Rule # 2: tag 4 people to do this quiz. The tag-ee must state who tagged them.

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are they members of your family?
Our pets are members of the family, albeit extremely messy ones. Luckily the other members of my family rarely vomit on the carpet or spread around half their body weight in stray hair...

2. If you could have a dream come true, what would it be? To live a long, happy, healthy life.

3. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Travel, make some donations to Doctors Without Borders, Planned Parenthood and NPR and then save whatever's left.

4. What helps pull you out of a bad mood?
SUNSHINE, Long hikes in the country with my dog, laughing at my husband's dry sense of humor.

5. What is your bedtime routine?
I meditate and then do some mindless surfing with M.

6. If you are currently in a relationship, where did you meet your significant other?
On vacation back in 1993. He was my big summer romance! :-)

7. What kind of books do you read?
I'm hit or miss. Can never quite predict what's going to grab me right in that moment. For the past couple of years I've been trying to only read books in German-- friends will recommend a book and I'll buy the German version. That keeps my language skills well-oiled but my head is often in a state of confusion.

8. What is one luxury you allow yourself to indulge in without feeling guilty?
I take M's dress shirts to the cleaners. Life is too short IMHO to iron *anything*.

9. What's your fear?
That something terrible to could happen to M or the kids.

10. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to see outer space?
absolutely. I don't eat a lot of junk food in the first place, so it seems like it would be a pretty easy trade-off!

11. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
Stretch and then feed all the creatures. (Including the human ones)

12. If you could change one thing about your significant other, what would it be?
I wish that he loved to cook!

13. If you could pick a new name for yourself what would it be?
Bob.

14. If you had to choose between six months of sun or six months of rain, what would you choose?
I don't think I would survive 6 months of rain.

15. If you could eat only one thing for the next six months what would it be?
Peanut butter sandwiches.

16. What is the thing you enjoy about blogging the most?
Keeping track of everything so that I can laugh about it all later.

17. Do you prefer salty or sweet foods?
Salty. Have never been able to handle sugar so I don't even really know what I'm missing.

18. What items are in your purse right now?
wallet, cupcake-flavored germ gel (thanks Kel!), ChapStick, a pen, old receipts and a bandaid.

19. If you had to choose between vacationing at the beach or in the mountains, where would you go?
The beach. I'm lucky enough to be able to see mountains every so often, but I'm seriously lacking in the beach department.

20. What do you watch on television that you know you shouldn't?
Believe it or not I don't watch TV. We only have basic channels and I haven't ever taken the time to find any shows here that I like. Instead I tend to waste a lot of time watching bad Internet...

I tag the following people who are welcome but in no way obliged to do this meme:
Kenico
Mausi
Chui Hsia
Astrid

How many fingers are you holding up?

On Tuesday at Aikido a somewhat overzealous sparring partner threw me and I came down hard on the back of my head. I didn't even have time to react-- one minute I was rushing at him and the next thing I knew I was lying on my back and gazing up at the ceiling. I think I might have actually had a light concussion-- felt dizzy and unfocused for the next 24 hours. :-P

Of course this happened shortly after I'd been mentally congratulating myself for all the progress I've made learning how to fall properly and roll in order to diffuse the impact. In my mind I'm moving like Steven Seagal, but I'm afraid the reality is closer to Miss Piggy. (Hiiiiiiiiya!)

Not one of my finer moments.

This morning I was perched on the sofa, stealing reading time before I walked B to school. Was totally engrossed in my book and went to reach for my ginormous glass o' tea without looking, knocked it over and THE WHOLE THING SPLASHED OVER A STRIP OF ELECTRICAL OUTLETS THAT WAS LYING NEXT TO IT!

The whole house went dark. I was so shocked (har har) that I was also afraid to put my feet down on the ground because there was tea there too and I was convinced I'd electrocute myself, B would rush to my aid, electrocute himself, and S would come home after school to find our charred remains floating in a scummy pool of Japanese sencha.

Luckily I pulled myself together and called M-- of course he was in the car with a couple of colleagues, which made me feel even stupider, because I was on speakerphone. Hi, yes, this is your wife, and I've, ummmm, done something very stupid.

All's well that ends well. I mopped everything up, cleaned the pools of tea out of the electrical strip and unplugged it, and when I flipped the fuse the house hummed back to life without shocking the beejeezus out of me...

Thank god for small miracles.

Have fallen madly in love...

...with a house. We've made an offer and it's been accepted! We're working on all the paperwork now and hope to own it by the end of March! Am still in shock.

More news to come...

Hot zone.

The kid with whom S and B walk to school succumbed to some nasty stomach virus last weekend. Then we spent the whole of Monday afternoon hanging out at another friend's house while I drank coffee with the mother. The very next day they were *all* felled by this stomach virus. (It's apparently so bad that they needed to keep a bucket in front of the toilet while they were sitting on i!.)

I've had a bad feeling all week, am waiting for the axe to drop. S was sick yesterday and today, but just with a headache. Today he was better so he had a friend over to play. Right in the middle of the action the kid suddenly went very pale, said: "I don't feel very well, can your mother please take me home?" S just called and his mother said he now has a stomach virus as well.

So now the question is: are we spreading it or is it stalking us?!

Code Red

I called our landlord yesterday to tell him we might have a slight gas leak down in our basement. And I stressed *slight* because you could only smell if if the door has been closed for a while.

S was home from school sick, so after placing that call I left him here in his pajamas to go pick up B. While I was gone the landlord came by, but S isn't allowed to answer the door when we're not here, so he just ignored the doorbell.

Apparently when the landlord called the people at the gas company they went into full-tilt emergency mode. They immediately dispatched a van which came screeching to a halt in front of our house. Neighbors are coming outside to see what's going on, and the landlord is ringing the doorbell nonstop.

The gas guy says that if he can't get hold of me in the next few minutes that they're going to have to call the police to break in! D is going insane barking, which was great, because our landlord (who's a slimeball) has the keys but is afraid to go in because he doesn't want to be torn to pieces by our vicious guard dog. :-D (I don't plan on correcting this particular misperception.)

I pulled up to see him standing on our driveway looking frantic, neighbors out on their driveways rubbernecking, and I knew poor S was hiding somewhere up in his pj's upstairs in his room!

All's well that ends well. The leak was very small and just due to an old washer-- they replaced that and went on their merry way. And luckily I gave the neighbors something to gossip about over their coffee this weekend. :-) (Oh, and I didn't end up blowing up the neighborhood. Maybe they'll even thank me for that!)

Short circuit

I'm on a Russian kick again. It's haunting me so much that lately I've been listening to language lesson tracks on my iPod on my daily walks with the dog. They're really helping and at least during that hour it's as if a door opens in my head and the Russian comes flooding out.

I must be quite a spectacle-- walking along briskly, muttering to myself with wild hair and a distracted look on my face. Today I was going through drills with Serge, who was asking: "How long has he been in Moscow?" "три года (Three years)." "How long have you been in Moscow?" "пять лет (5 years)".

Suddenly I realized that two men were standing in front of me, petting D. One of them was moving his lips. I ripped out one of my earbuds: "Wie bitte?" (I beg your pardon?)

In my left ear I heard him say: "Wie alt ist Ihr Hund?" (How old is your dog?) just as Serge was shouting into my right: "Cколько лет Катя уже живёт в Москве?" ( How long has Katya already lived in Moscow?)

I smiled brightly and said: "Семь лет." (7 years.)

They looked at me strangely.

"Oh sorry. Zeven." (which is 7 in Dutch.)

"Was? Sieben?! Sieben was? Monate?" (What? Seven? Seven what? Months?)

"Nee." (Dutch.)

Sieben Wochen? Nein, doch? (Seven weeks?! Can't be right!)

"Nein. Sieben... Sieben... Hmm. Ans! Nee. Jahr! Wow. Севодня geht mir Deutsch niet gut." (I can't even begin to explain that one. Mix of 5 languages, completely mangled-- about the effect you'd get if you crossed a Great Dane with Chihuahua.)

By this time they're smiling and nodding and backing away from me. It wouldn't have surprised me if smoke had been coming out of my ears. I waved goodbye to them and finished my walk. This time without Serge...

A polar bear just drowned because of us.

Last week the kids had a sleepover so M and I went out on a date. Giddy with the anticipation of some much needed time alone, we dropped them off and drove to a nearby town for dinner. The evening was cold and beautiful, and we cracked up over something stupid as we jumped from the car and dashed up the street to our restaurant. We enjoyed a long, leisurely, uninterrupted dinner and even took time for cheese and then espressos afterward.

About 2 1/2 hours later we were walking back and were about 50 meters away from our car when M said: "Hmm. That's strange, I think my lights are still on. Well, ha ha. At least we know that the battery still works!"

I giggled.

Then, after about 20 more meters he said: "Wait-- is the engine on???!!"

We were shocked to find the car running, heated to a pleasant 23 degrees Celsius, and our favorite CD playing on the radio!!! It was so bizarre that it took us a while to figure out what had happened.

This is a new car with a remote keyless system, which means that it starts and stops at the push of a button. The only problem is that one probably shouldn't forget to actually push that button before one steps out of the car!!!

Upon further inspection we found a ticket from the police which cited us for unnecessary emissions and fined us 10 euros.

M was impressed that they even have a category for that here, but also found it a laughable amount-- you probably couldn't have paid someone 10 euros to warm up the car for us and put on our favorite CD for after dinner! :-)

I don't think we should return to that town anytime soon...

Child for sale. going cheap,

Me: I've got a surprise for you guys, but you've got to finish your homework before you can have it.

B: What's the surprise?

Me: I'm not going to tell you. Please finish your homework.

B: What's the surprise? What's the surprise? What's the surprise? What's the surprise? What's the surprise? What's the surprise? What's the surprise? What's the surprise?

Me: B, that's really annoying. If you keep that up you're going to lose the surprise.

B: I know! See, the trick is to be annoying right up until the moment before I lose the surprise. Then I have fun AND I still get the reward. I'm really good at that.

Just in case you were wondering.

So there we were in the waiting room at the dentist's office. I was leafing through a women's magazine with B peering over my shoulder. We got to a somewhat racy ad for perfume: a man lying on top of a woman in bed, apparently in the throes of ecstasy. B snorted and shouted: "EWW! GROSS! They're NAKED!"

S was sitting on the other side of the room and shouted: "Who's naked?!"

To which B replied loudly: "Yuck! It's an ad for perfume! And the people are naked! Why on earth would that sell any perfume?"

S's answer: "Well, clothes cover up a lot of the smell when you're sweaty. When you take off your clothes the odor gets stronger. Maybe that's why they need the perfume when they're naked!"

Funny thing is his sense of humor is so dry he might have been joking. But I'm still not sure...

How does he come up with this stuff?!

S walked into the kitchen this evening and he'd scotch taped his eyes open.

We were heading out the door to go out to dinner and he asked me if he could go that way and I said: "be my guest".

I don't think he expected me to call his bluff...